Letting Go with
Guts, Grace and Gusto
Sandra C. Strauss
Remember that fair-haired maiden, Goldilocks, the fairy tale Princess of Perfection who wanted everything just right? Too hot! Too cold! Too soft! Too hard! Too many expectations! For a few brief moments in the Three Bears cottage, she found things “just right.” Yet, even in a world of fairy tales, her desire for perfection nearly killed her.
Do you ever feel a little like her? Wanting something “just right”? Do you try to maintain an illusion that you’ve got it all together no matter what you’re dealing with? Are you exhausted from trying to maintain impossible standards for the sake of how “it” should be? Are you holding on to old ways when life has made seismic shifts? Perfection takes its toll by stressing out souls.
Actually, a “perfect” life is quite a tapestry of unwelcome disruptions and unexpected events. We all encounter our share, making us face new realities. They might show up as a disease or disability, whether our own or that of a loved one, a heartache, divorce, or other lessons for letting go.
Seeking balance in a changing world takes guts. It takes grace to keep up the fancy footwork required when the ground beneath you keeps shifting. It takes gusto to keep moving forward into a future far from what you expected.
When a mysterious illness permanently disabled my husband in March, 2004, the familiar rhythm of our long, happy marriage and family life collapsed. Lots of things came crashing down and a whole new dance was needed to navigate through it all. Dementia has twisted both of our lives into totally unexpected directions.
Change, whether by choice or by chance, requires new steps to keep moving in a positive direction and re-arranging priorities that fit your circumstances. It’s letting go of the crazy concept of “perfect” and finding balance in an ever-changing backdrop.
In my efforts to secure a more sane and sensible approach to managing seismic life shifts, I’ve had to let go of many things—of doing them in a certain style, or waiting much longer to find the time, energy or inspiration to get them done. Sometimes, they don’t get done at all. As part of my sanity-saving strategies, I crafted a new definition of perfection to “whatever works best for now.” Unleashing a “good enough” mantra makes perfect sense—a no-nonsense attitude when realities are factored into the mix.
Back in my days as a proud new mother, I had envisioned one such perfect scene—flying to Florida to present our cherub-faced, dimpled daughter, dressed adorably in a swirl of pink to her grandparents. However, a different reality unfolded enroute while changing a diaper at 30,000 feet. A burst of turbulence dipped the plane, flinging the contents of a dirty diaper clinging into my daughter’s hair, glue-like clumps resistant to extraction. Fortunately, a sympathetic flight attendant spritzed eau de toilette on her hair with a few extra spritzes for the benefit of the passengers! Upon arrival, it was far from my picture-perfect scene, but nonetheless, a blessed, sweet moment.
New coping strategies for the unexpected twists and turns of life make maneuvering through them a little less dicey. Life’s natural messes can be handled by screaming, steaming, stressing out or seeking solutions. Choose what works best to bring you peace-of-mind when you may feel like losing yours.
Dancing through Life with Guts, Grace & Gusto—Fancy Footwork for the Woman’s Sole highlights ways to bring life more into balance:
1. Know you have the wisdom and will to manage life’s stresses, strains, and surprises. How you perceive and respond to every situation, from an insult to a dramatic life-altering event, is influenced by your feelings of self-worth. In so doing, you’re reinforcing the real truth, the essence of who you really are—someone filled with unlimited capability and power.
2. Focus on resiliency. When life throws you a curve, acknowledge “what is,” accept your emotional response, embrace the lessons, and integrate it into your life experience. This requires you to center back on your power and to consciously choose how you will experience your life from this point forward.
3. Listen to your heart and feed your spirit. When you listen to your heart’s yearnings, messages, or unmistakable rumblings, and act on them, they will guide you toward happiness—your ultimate reward. Whether a gentle tug or a powerful push, those signals are hotwired to the seat of your soul.
4. Tune into your needs. In your quest to help others, you may forget to nurture your own body, mind, and spirit. Caring for others can become excessive, demanding, and draining. If you find yourself becoming more critical, impatient, resentful, exhausted, and drained, these are warning signs that your own needs require tending. When you give to others, be sure to give yourself something in exchange or you’ll risk burn-out. Find ways to nurture yourself regularly.
5. Set your intentions daily. Be vigilant and set your intention on living each day in alignment with your highest ideals and desires. Knowing your values guides your life in managing your time, making decisions, building and maintaining your reputation, developing your attitudes, and choosing behaviors that shape and support your life’s legacy. Decide what is important to you and how you will design each day to reflect the values of your heart.
6. Commit to an attitude of gratitude. When you feel lonely, depressed, frightened, or broken, it may seem impossible to embrace a feeling of gratitude. Be thankful for the help, time, service, thoughtfulness, and support you receive from others.
7. Let go of perfection. Assess the time and energy you spend on meeting standards that may no longer make sense. Self-imposed rules, standards, and habits of perfection add to your stress. Stop berating yourself for falling short of some unrealistic standard of perfection.
8. Replace feelings of lack with feelings of abundance. Imagine yourself attracting and enjoying all the abundance you desire in all aspects of life and know that you deserve it all. Believe in the abundance of the Universe, for it supplies your desires according to your beliefs.
9. Give yourself permission to explore new dimensions. Venture beyond your safety net. Be prepared for some internal resistance and negative dialogue, chiding you for moving outside your comfort zone. “You’re doing whaaat? Are you crazy? That’s not like you!” Do it anyway.
10. Honor your process of growth. Have compassion for yourself, every step of the way. Life is a lesson-generating experience. Your soles are on the right and perfect path, gaining lessons for your heart.
By letting go of expectations for creating “perfect” experiences or handling it all “perfectly”, you give yourself the gift of freedom. After all, the true reality of a “perfect life” is one in which your focus is on creating and sustaining more joy, rather than stressing out in the make-believe world of perfection.
Sandra Strauss is coauthor of Dancing through Life with Guts, Grace & Gusto—Fancy Footwork for the Woman’s Sole. The book is both an inspirational resource and instructional guide. Framed around 10 Heart Core Guidelines, it weaves together a collection of stories from women—their awakenings, makeovers and moves for living life in tune with their hearts and sustaining themselves through tough times in search of passion, purpose and power. Guts, Grace & Gusto® programs provide hope, encouragement and inspiration—putting fancy footwork, spirit and balance into women’s multi-tasking worlds. For more information visit www.GutsGraceandGusto.com; Sandy@GutsGraceandGusto.com.
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